Barbilee, I think my son is a bully, what can I do?

Posted on Posted in Behaviour

Bullying needs to be stopped. Period. Yes kids will be kids, but bullying is not acceptable. Bullying may be a sign of frustration or a way of getting attention. Bullying is UNACCEPTABLE.

So what do you do?

1. Each time he behaves in a way you find unacceptable, you stop whatever it is that you are doing and you get his attention. Get down to his level and say, “we do not XXXXX in this family. Are you part of this family?” (wait for an answer) then say “good, remember we don’t XXXXX in this family”. DO THIS EVERY TIME. Acknowledging the bad behavior may just be what we wants. Catch him being good. You will have to repeat this over and over again, but it will stick. Your teacher will have to do the same (she should be anyway…but that is another story)

2. Be consistent. If you “let it go” once, he will be affirmed that he can “get away with it” again. The more consistent you are the sooner it will stick.

3. Get your family and school on board. Anyone who says “boys will be boys” will undo all that you have done.

This consistency works for all challenges. Tell your children what you want, don’t make them guess.
…stay close to mom when crossing the street
…hold my hand in the parking lot
…eat your veggies
…play nice with your sister/friend
…sleep well
…make good choices
…respect your toys, etc
you will get exactly that…

Try this little experiment with your kids.
Say to them
Now ask, “what did you just do?”
Right they thought of a pink elephant.

Now try this: THINK OF A BLUE DOG. What did they do? Right. They did exactly what you said… BOTH TIMES.

Now say this, “play nice with the other kids”. It is that easy.

If you don’t teach him…yes daily…he will remain challenged.

And if you think kids don’t need to be reminded daily, just take a drive and count how many speed limit signs there are on the road, how many stop signs there are…how many traffic lights there are. We all need constant reminders of the behaviour that is appropriate to our leading healthy productive lives.

Focus on what you want and you will get it.

Family Wellness Coach

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